The Velveteen Grandma
One of my favorite stories is the Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams. The story is the journey of a stuffed rabbit that wants to be real, and the other toys in a child's nursery. Filled with analogies and wonderful quotes, my favorite is a conversation between the Velveteen Rabbit and the Skin Horse which I have included here:
"He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.
"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."
Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
As I was thinking about this today the term Velveteen Grandma came to mind.
To be that type of grandma means I need to step away from the "Glamma" and let my grandchildren see the whole person...warts and all. It means worrying less about the outward appearance and more about the heart my grandchildren see.
Do they view me as loving, selfless, kind, gentle? Are they comforted and comfortable in my presence?
You see, I loved my grandmother dearly, but quite honestly, she was a bit prickly to be around when I was younger. Now in her defense, she worked full-time as a third grade teacher, and still had to take care of a husband and household when she came home. We lived only a block away, so we were often at their house. As I get older and am working part-time, I realize much of her prickly appearance was more tiredness than anything else.
It makes me give pause to my own weaknesses when weary.
Although I still haven't conquered all the areas where I need improvement in my journey to becoming REAL, I am moving forward nicely. Certainly there are times I miss the shiny softness of being "new", but as the grandchildren flock around me and clamour into my lap or arms, I feel the beauty of being "loose in the joints and very shabby" far outweighs anything glamorous I might try to attempt. Their bright smiles, warm hugs and the words "I love you Grandma!" are far more desirable than anything else.
Yes, being REAL is a wonderful thing and I am blessed to be a Velveteen Grandma.
"It lasts for always."
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