I was stuck, and I knew it.
S-striving
T-to
U-uncover
C-crisises that are
K-killing me.
The moment I began looking around rather than dealing with the problem at hand was the indicator. I had become very interested in the flaws of others and wanted to pick at the specks I saw in their eyes, rather than dealing with the beam in my own. Restless as a cat in a cage, I paced back and forth trying to ignore the truth gnawing at my soul. God, in His graciousness, wouldn't allow me to escape, but gently herded me to the place where He helped me sort through the things that were causing me anguish.
It's a difficult truth to acknowledge there are still places where I get stuck. I much prefer putting time into painting a canvas or other creative things, rather than sorting through the places in my home that bring up emotional junk. But having made the decision to purge the unnecessary from my life and home, dealing with the uncomfortable is part of the process. The past few years have been quite the tumultuous journey with many situations where we simply dealt with the moment and moved on. Life was busy and it was simply a matter of survival. Now that I have retired, life has slowed a bit, allowing more time to find more permanent solutions to things which have been given a temporary fix. I want to properly address things that have become less valuable and burdensome.
It sounds good, and even has a drawing effect. Massive amounts of stuff we've acquired from family members who have died over the past few years need to be sorted through and given appropriate valuation. But within those things are memories and emotions that are sometimes difficult to bear. Uncomfortable or not, it was time to begin.
Aware that I was not going to do well without properly preparing, I called in my prayer warriors for support. Courage was needed and I knew I could count on these faithful friends to lift me up in prayer. Once the request was sent out, I slowly began working through the most demanding of the projects. As I worked, I was also able to sort through many of the fears and frustrations I had initially tried to avoid. A weight lifted off my shoulders as I methodically worked through the issues, recognizing God's gracious timing in all of it.
There's still a lot of road ahead of me, and judging from what I've experienced today, lots to continue to sort through. But with each step I take towards the goal that God has set for me, the lighter the burden becomes and more joyous the journey.
I pray that each of you will be able to find joy in your journey as well.
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"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me." Philippians 3:12
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